Improving Your Sex Life: How to be Spontaneous

Are you looking to improve your sex life? If you are, you may have already heard that being spontaneous is a good way of going about it.

Spontaneity often leads to an increase in interest in sex and an increase in satisfaction in terms of intimacy. Unfortunately, some men and women find being spontaneous difficult.

Here are some tips and advice on living for the moment and getting more sex!

One of the many ways that you can be spontaneous is by not waiting for your partner to initiate sex. Unfortunately, many women wait for their husbands and boyfriends to get sex started. Why wait? You shouldn't. In fact, your partner may be hoping that you start showing more interest in being intimate with them? What better way to do so than initiate sex yourself?

A creative way to be spontaneous where sex is concerned is by using text messages. Try sending some sexy and seductive texts to them. Explain exactly what you want to do to them when you see them later. Or you could even give them a call and talk dirty to them.

As I mentioned earlier there are some couples who find it difficult to be spontaneous. Parents often fall into the category. Even if you are a parent who has children in the house then there are still a number of ways that you can be spontaneous. Once you have put the kids to bed then jump on your partner. Most parents want to sit down and relax after their kids have gone to bed but show your partner you have other things on your mind.

Having sex somewhere other than bed or the bedroom is another way to be spontaneous with your partner.

As for where you can have sex outside of the bedroom, use your creativity. Where do you want to have sex? What locations would allow you to try new positions that just can't be done in a bed? As well as being intimate in places like on the couch, in the bathroom, or on the kitchen table, consider going outside of the home as well, like to a hotel.

Speaking of getting intimate outside of the home, surprise your partner. You can do this by booking a night in a hotel in town. Make sure you choose one that has romantic rooms or an onsite hot tub or swimming pool. Don't tell your partner about your plans until you are ready to leave as being spontaneous involves surprising them.

As you see, there are a number of different ways that you can use spontaneity as a way to improve your relationship, both inside and outside of the bedroom.

What are you waiting for? Get started today? Your partner may appreciate your quick thinking.

Are You Having Enough Sex?

A SHOCKING investigation carried out by glossy magazine Top Santé has revealed us British women are just not having enough sex.

The Happiness Survey showed 20 per cent of females between 35-55 NEVER have sex. A further 10 percent questioned said they were having sex less than three times a year while a massive 60 percent of women have sex twice a month.

And don't just think it's only divorced or single women who are missing out in the bedroom as over a quarter quizzed admitted to having sex just once every two or three months.

Jane Druker editor of Top Santé magazine said: "The findings were shocking and sad, especially in light of the fact that sex makes us feel good which helps us live longer and it's free!

“I think women can feel under pressure to have mind blowing love lives but actually the intimacy of everyday sex is enough – a 'quickie' can give us genuine health benefits and truthfully sex begets more sex ."

Let's face it- sex makes us happy! It's nature's Prozac and a third of the respondents to the survey agreed that regular bedroom activities puts a spring in their step.

If your sex life is needing a bit of a boost as well as your happiness levels then you need to asses whether your sex life needs a makeover.

Here are five signs you should consider: 

Do You Find Sex Boring?

Unfortunately, many couples, especially those in long-term relationships, get to a certain point where sex just isn't fun anymore. Does it seem more like work or a chore to you? Being intimate with your partner should not seem like a responsibly that you are required to fulfil. Instead, it should be fun and exciting.

Do you reject being intimate with your partner? Do you put off going to bed with them in fear of being intimate? If you do, your sex life may need an improvement or a change.

Are You Are Left Unsatisfied?

If and when you do get intimate with your partner, do you achieve maximum pleasure? If not, your sex life may be in serious trouble. This is most often the case with women. Some women find it more difficult to achieve maximum pleasure in the bedroom. But, know that it is possible. You may need to offer suggestions to your partner or guide them. Whatever you do, just be sure to take action right away. A relationship where only one party is pleased, is likely to fail.

Does Sex Feels Like a Responsibility?

As it was previously stated, being intimate with your partner should not seem like work or a responsibility that you must fulfil. If it does it is time for you to change. Be spontaneous. Initiate sex yourself, as opposed to waiting for your partner to do so. Spice up your intimacy by experimenting in the bedroom with a new position or simply just have sex at a different time and place. Whatever approach you do take, be sure to do something. Do not let an otherwise healthy relationship fail because sex is something that you would rather avoid.

Are You Having Sex At All?

To have a good sex life you must first be having sex. Are you? If you are in a relationship, you should be. Whether you get intimate with your partner on a daily basis or even just once a week, this closeness is important to your relationship and not just in the physical sense.

If you are currently not in a relationship, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have or not get sex. Take action to start feeling wanted, needed, and loved today. This may involve using an online dating website or just visiting a bar with a bunch of your friends.

Is Your Relationship Failing?

Do you and your partner spend most of your time arguing? If so, your relationship may be in serious trouble. Despite arguing about a topic not related to sex, such as money or work, did you know that your lack of intimacy may be to blame? Couples who are happy inside the bedroom are likely to be happy outside of it as well. The two should go hand in hand.

So do you have a happy and healthy sex life? If not, remember that there are a number of steps that you can take to make an improvement.

Get sex and get happy!

4 Easy Ways to Spice Up Things in the Bedroom

Are you in a relationship that seems as if it is stalled in the bedroom? If so, your first thought may be to end the relationship. But what if your relationship is long-term? What if you are married? What if you really do love your partner? What steps should you take then? 

When it comes to being unhappy in the bedroom it's important to know that ending a marriage or a relationship should only be used as a last approach. Instead, you will want to take steps to spice things up. Doing so may improve more than just your intimacy, but it may do wonders for your relationship in general. 

As nice as it is to hear that you can and should spice things up and in the bedroom, you may be unsure as to how you should go about it.

Below are four easy ways to put the spice back into your love life: 

Engage in Foreplay 

When you do have sex, what happens? Do you and your partner get right down to business? If you do then that may be a huge problem. Unfortunately, many couples do not realise that intimacy is more than just about having sex. It is also about having a happy and healthy relationship. If you rely on sex to make your relationship succeed then there is a very good chance it will actually fail.

If you and your partner don't already engage in foreplay then start doing so. Also, remember that foreplay doesn't have to start in the bedroom. Call your lover, send a text message, or leave a handwritten note expressing your desires to get intimate with them later on. 

Be Spontaneous 

When you want to have sex, what do you do? If you actually take the time to ask your partner if they want to be intimate with you then you may be doing more harm than good. Asking first can make being intimate seem more like a chore than something that should bring you pleasure. The next time that you want to move to the bedroom, don't ask first. Just lead your partner there. In fact, who needs a bedroom? 

Know that being spontaneous is about more than not talking about sex first. Ways that you can be spontaneous with your partner is to have sex at a different time, date, or place. 

Talk About Your Fantasies 

One of the biggest reasons why couples have problems with sex is because one person isn't having their desires fulfilled. Does your partner know what you like or what you want to get out of being intimate? If not it is time for you to let them know. 

Be sure to talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies and desires. What would you like to try in the bedroom? In addition to expressing your wants, needs, and darkest fantasies, be sure to let your partner do the same. Remember that both of you should walk away from an intimate encounter pleased. 

Experiment in the Bedroom 

Another one of the easy ways that you can spice up things in the bedroom is by experimenting. For starters, you can try a new sex position. This may not only lead to extra pleasure, but fun and excitement. Sex toys, romantic or pornographic videos and role playing are other good ideas for experimenting in the bedroom. 

Remember that experimenting in the bedroom is a good way to spice up your intimacy, but be sure to use your best judgment. It may be a wise decision to first discuss making changes with your partner as you will not want to make him or her feel uncomfortable. 

So there you have it! You now have a few ideas on how you can go about spicing up things in the bedroom.

So what are you waiting for? Get started today.

How to Leave Your Lover- Things You Need to Remember

Read my article in the Daily Record on how to end your relationship

How To Handle an Argument in a Relationship

All couples argue. It's only natural. 

Once the honeymoon period is over in a relationship or you move in together then that is when conflict can creep in. Just don't worry about it. If your best friend tells you she and her partner don't argue then she is a total liar- it happens but we have to learn how to deal with arguments when they do arise. Healthy conflicts are very much part of a healthy relationship.

However, many of us refuse to engage in healthy arguments, insisting instead that we are right and the other person is wrong in the strongest possible terms. This type of black-and-white view must be avoided in order to maintain a healthy and stable relationship.

It is important to understand why couples keep fighting. 

For some fighting is a fire that keeps their relationships alive. It lets them know the other cares, things aren't really over and sparks still fly between them. Fighting can keep these couples bonded but I personally think these kind of relationships are just too much hard work. Who the hell wants to fight with their partner all the time?

Some couples love power struggles. They love winning and feeling power over the other. This makes them feel strong. Fighting can easily become a habit, something individuals fall into automatically and instinctively. Needless to say, fighting prevents real communication from developing. It is a way of threatening or blaming the other. Rather than really addressing issues, it causes a situation to remain stuck.

As I mentioned, arguing with your partner is natural but there are ways of dealing with spats. 

The first step in handling conflict is knowing what your buttons are and those of your spouse or partner. Most people will have conflict in one of three big areas, finances, sex, and raising kids. When these important topics come up (and they inevitably will) it is important that both of you be aware that this area has a long history of causing arguments in the relationship and begin the discussion with the resolve to try and see the other persons' point of view and present your own in a logical manner.

When conflict arises then try to avoid ignoring the other persons' point of view. Do not take the stance of 'I know best'. Try to demonstrate why it is you think what you are stating and listen carefully when your partner offers a rebuttal. Demonstrate that you have listened to what they have to say by repeating some of their statement.

Try to stay on topic- that is, discussing the immediate problem- as much as possible. Try not to make blanket statements such as 'You always do this' or other harmful sayings. Also, do not descend into name calling. Even using strong language in the form of swear words will tend to cause the other person to shut  out any message you are trying to send. Plus it's very hurtful and things can be said in the heat of the moment that you really don't mean.

Avoid any physical forms of intimidation as people are naturally inclined to become defensive in such scenarios. This is particularly hard for men who may not realise that what they think may be just venting their frustration (ie slamming a hand on a table) is actually very intimidating to their partner.

If the argument is really spiralling out of control then it is very important to have the strength to walk away for a cool down period- odds are you are way off topic anyway by that point and nothing at all will be resolved.

The final outcome in a conflict within a relationship should be that you and your partner make up and agree on a solution. The problem must be solved within a reasonable time, the best is before the day is out. Try not to go to bed on an argument. Letting problems fester is the worst possible route to take and the argument will inevitably occur again in the future.

Finally, be prepared to say you are sorry as it will show that you care more about the relationship than the issue.

Taylor Swift Needs to Learn How to Get Over Her Ex Harry Styles

 

Read my article in the Daily Record on how to get over your Ex

How to Break Up With Your Partner

IT'S been a hellish time for celebrity marriages. First Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas announce their 13 year union has hit the skids and “they're 'taking time apart to work on it,” then Clint Eastwood revealed his 17 year marriage to his wife Diane is over as he apparently no longer loves her.

If your relationship has entered the point of no return and you want to break up with your partner then there are several things you should think about before doing it.

Don't ever break up with someone over the phone, by texting, or by email unless they are violent then break up with them any way you can. If they aren't violent then break up with them in person. Don't humiliate them by breaking up in public, find a private place to let them down gently. Your partner may not like what you are doing but they will have more respect for you.

You also have to choose the right time to tell them things are over. Please avoid special occasions like birthday's, Christmas and anniversaries. It's not fair to do it on a date that your ex will remember every year. It's just cruel.

Being honest with your soon to be ex is very important, but if you have met a new someone special, keep it under wraps. If they ask, Don't tell them. They will be hurt enough as it is and they don't need that pilled on top of everything else. There really is no point in hurting them further.

You should plan out what you want to say before meeting your soon to be ex because you will feel nervous when the breaking up starts. Stand firm and don't waver. When the time comes to actually doing the breakup look them in the eye and tell it to them straight. They will be hurt anyway so state your case with confidence. The relationship may be at an end but do not humiliate yourself or your ex by treating this as a trivial matter.

Whatever you do it's important to keep your emotions in check. Don't seem to happy you have broken up with your other half. Have a bit of respect and realise they are feeling like their world has ended.

Try and not react to their feeling of rejection. They may shout and scream at you but that doesn't mean you have to lower yourself to that kind of behaviour. If the yelling and tantrums get too much then make a beeline for the door. Be honest and sensitive and remain civil. You just have to remember rejection is tough and how would you feel if you were in their shoes?

After you break up your ex may try to contact you. This is normal because they are hurt but do not take their calls. If you do take their calls it will just keep their hope alive that you may reconsider things. This is an unkind thing to do. Never make promises you do not intend to keep. Change your habits, too. Find a new coffee shop to get your morning coffee and a new place to eat your lunch. You do not want any accidental run-ins with your ex. It's just too awkward for you and too painful for them.

If someone new wasn't the reason for the break up, you should hold off on dating for a while. Rebound relationships never really work. They may feel good for a while but what you need right now is to learn how to be on your own.

Look at this time after your break up as an opportunity instead of a setback. Now you have time to focus on yourself. Do something that makes you happy and work toward a goal. How to deal with a break up is a very individual thing, so be a little selfish for a change and work toward something you really want.