Saturday, 31 May 2014

How to beat post-wedding blues- a step by step guide

Check out this week's Daily Record column where I discuss ways of dragging you out of post-wedding depression and back into the real world.

Friday, 23 May 2014

Check out my new Daily Record online column

Each week I will be giving my opinion and advice on relationship issues whether that be from the world of showbiz or from readers who write to me.

Check out my first column by clicking HERE

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Dirty divorces - new study reveals the lengths exes will go to for victory

A NEW study released shows that more than a third of divorces are acrimonious, while more than 40% of divorcees went after more than they were fairly entitled to.

Many fought for things they didn't even care about, made false promises, deliberately made things difficult for their ex, played the victim and turned others against their ex.

One in ten admit their behaviour during their divorce had a negative impact on their children More than a third of divorces are significantly acrimonious affairs, with a large number of divorcees admitting to fighting dirty and a third admitting to trying to hurt their ex as much as possible because they were suffering.

That's according to new research released, which saw more than 40% of divorcees polled say they fought for more than they were fairly entitled to during their divorce; whilst a third said they did so purely to "get one up" on their ex.

The study also shows the lengths people are prepared to go to in their battle for supremacy, with more than 40% saying they fought for something they didn't even care about.

Despite this, a third said they exaggerated the truth, a quarter deliberately made things difficult for their ex, and one in seven actively tried to embarrass their ex in court.

The same number said they knowingly 'played the victim', and more than one in ten tried to turn others against their ex.

Almost 60% surveyed by Slater & Gordon admit they made decisions during divorce proceedings by letting their heart rule their head, while close to 30% say anger made them fight for more than their fair share of assets, and a quarter custody of the children.

Highlighting the negative effect it can have on families, one in ten said their actions during the divorce caused unnecessary difficulty for their children. The study shows a quarter of divorcees were not prepared to settle and wanted their day in court, while one in eight say they purposely chose an aggressive lawyer.

It's perhaps no surprise then that almost three quarters say their divorce was made harder because of how emotional they or their partner got during proceedings.


Friday, 9 May 2014

Regular arguments with your partner will be the death of you, say researchers

ARGUING happens in every relationship- it's natural.

However, if you and your other half are constantly at each others throats then this can be seriously bad for your health if you listen to the latest research.

According to a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, regular screaming matches with each other can double your chances of dying especially if you are middle-aged.

And it seems men and those who are unemployed are most at risk of the fatal consequences of frequent arguments, the authors said.

Researchers from Denmark examined 10,000 men and women aged between 36 and 52- they studied their relationships with friends, family, partners or neighbours.

Around 10 per cent of those quizzed said their partners or children were a frequent or constant sources of excess demands and worries, 6 per cent said these came from relatives and 2 per cent said these came from friends.

Meanwhile, 6 per cent had frequent arguments with their partners and children, 2 per cent with other relatives and 1 per cent with friends.

The participants' health was then tracked been 2000 and 2011 and during this time frame, 4 percent of women and 6 per cent of men died.

Frequent arguments were associated with a double to triple risk of death from any cause compared to those who said that rows were rare.

And those who said they had frequent demands or worries from their children or partners were found to be at a 50 per cent to 100 per cent increased risk of death.

Being out of work appeared to amplify the effect and men seemed to be particularly vulnerable to the worries and demands generated by their partners.

The Danish researchers said: "This study suggests that stressful social relations, ranging from partners to neighbours, are associated with mortality risk among middle-aged men and women.

"Conflicts, especially, were associated with higher mortality risk, regardless of whom was the source of the conflict.

"Worries and demands were only associated with mortality risk if they were related to partners or children.

"We found men were especially vulnerable to frequent worries/demands from their partner, contradicting earlier findings suggesting that women are more vulnerable to stressful social relations."

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

How to tell if your man is cheating on you- a step by step guide on signs to look out for

FORMER glamour model Katie Price divides opinion but it would take a cold heart for anyone not to sympathise with her after she revealed on Twitter that her new husband Kieran Hayler has been cheating on her with her best friend.

Unfortunately, infidelity is a reality for some of us and a devastation that all too many couples go through.

If you think your partner is having an affair, then there are signs to watch out for: Have they lost interest in having sex with you? This can either be a gradual change or all of a sudden. You may want to question what is going on if this has happened, especially if your sex life has always been good.If things have slowed down in the bedroom, then it could be that he is showing someone else some special attention.

If men suddenly change their appearance, then this can also be a red flag that they are cheating.Has he lost weight, bought new clothes and joined a gym without your knowledge?
Is he wearing a new aftershave and acting more confident?

Does your man guard his mobile with his life and constantly check his messages, especially on Facebook? If he doesn’t share who has texted or emailed him and everything is now password-protected, then this could also be a sign that something is not right. Does he switch off his mobile when he is with you so he doesn’t get any texts or phone calls from his mistress?

If, all of a sudden, your partner is happy when they leave the house instead of being miserable to go to their job like they used to be, then this may also be a sign of infidelity. Getting up early and coming home late maybe aren’t sure signs that they are cheating but they can be early warning signs that something is not quite right.

Have they stopped making eye contact with you when you have a conversation? This is usually a sure sign of guilt eating at them.

How about mystery charges on your credit card bill for gifts that you did not get or trips you didn’t take or nights in a hotel you knew nothing about.

If your partner is spending far too much time away from you and it seems like they can’t stand to be in the same room with you when they are home, then this too may be behaviour that sets alarm bells ringing. Has your partner started spending more time with a colleague at work or do they talk about them constantly? When you meet someone new, it’s exciting and you want to tell the world about them.

It can be hard to be sure if someone is cheating on you but go with your gut instinct. If you feel something isn’t right about your relationship, then it probably isn’t.

In many cases, the warning signs can be there early on in the relationship and once you spot them, you can save yourself a lot of pain by ending things right there and then.

The good news is that not everyone cheats.

Infidelity and relationships don’t always go hand in hand. The important thing to remember is that cheating is a choice, it’s not some biological need.

The best deterrent to cheating is finding the right partner.

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Online Dating Etiquette- How to Get it Right

UNLUCKY in love Katy Perry has revealed she's still single and is looking for love on Tinder.

The Teenage Dreams singer says she loves trawling through the men who have posted profiles on the popular dating app.

She said: "I'm really deep on Tinder so I don't have a whole lot of time."

The brunette beauty, who recently split up with John Mayer, isn't alone in looking for love online because one in four relationships are now found on dating websites.

However, the internet may be a major influence in building new relationships but meeting someone online is very different to meeting a partner in a bar or in the office.

If you conduct yourself properly while messaging people online it could earn you good friends and even the love of your life.

Good online dating etiquette is essential if you want to make the right impression and attract the right partner.

Honesty is important:

Truthfully answer the questions asked by the dating site administrator when setting up your profile. Don't make things up about yourself. If you are not a brain surgeon then don't say you are. What if you met a person online that could possibly lead into a relationship? They would surely learn about the things you've made up. If you do tell porkies you will only embarrass yourself in the long run.

Handling rejection:

Online dating allows you to connect with other people by sending emails and messages but if you don't get many responses it can sting a bit. You have to be realistic and realise when dating online you will get knock-backs and you will have to chat to loads of people before you probably speak to someone you actually want to meet. Send as many messages as you like because, according to research, in every three to five messages sent you will usually get at least one response.

How to say No

It's polite to reply to messages sent to you but how do you respond to somebody you are just not interested in? For some people not responding is rude, but actually it's a better way than telling people you don't like them. Just keep in mind that you don't have to take it personally either if you don't receive a reply to a particular message. However, being uninterested doesn't mean you have to be rude. If a person has sent you a nice message then reply and at least let them know that you're not interested. Who knows it could lead to a friendship instead.

Personalise your replies:

When sending replies make sure that they're personalised and not just a standard message you send out to everybody who gets in touch with you. Even if you have too much on your hands respond appropriately. After all, you're dealing with people who have real emotions. If you can't be bothered sending a message to a potential partner then you need to rethink if online dating is actually for you.

Don't get too personal too quickly:

Avoid asking personal questions like: Where do you work? How much money do you earn? Do you own your own home?- especially if it's just the first time you have talked online. If someone persists on asking you this information just tell them that you don't share personal information with people you've just met. If they like you and want to continue chatting to you then they will understand.

Don't be pushy:

Let things take their course. In short, take it slowly and give your friendship enough time to develop. You can't force somebody to meet you and you are not going to find the love of your live and get married in the space of a few weeks. Dating online takes patience as it takes time to search through people's profiles and build bonds on the web. Also, you may have to go on a good few dates before you meet someone you think you would like to have a relationship with. Just relax, stick with it and enjoy the experience.

Be safe:

When meeting face-to-face for the first time you have to be safe. Meet your date in a public place such as a restaurant or bar. Also, protect your privacy and meet them at your chosen venue- never allow them to come to your home on the first few dates. And when you leave them always say goodbye on a positive note and say thank you for meeting up even if there are no sparks during the date.

Let things fade:

If you and your date feel that there seems to be no spark between you then it's okay to gradually stop communicating with them, you can just let things fade away if you like. But, if the person contacts you then explain to them that there is something missing from the relationship and tell them that it's nothing personal but you think you wouldn't make a good match. Always say thank you.

Removing your profile:

If you are already dating somebody you've met online then take your profile down. Some online dating sites will allow you to change your status or hide your profile without cancelling your membership as some people keep their profiles if it's early days in a new relationship. Also, avoid messaging other people while you are dating the one person as it isn't fair on them.

Breaking up:

Online dating experts recommend that for those who have only met the person once or twice then you can break up through email. But if you have been going out on dates more than that then it's probably better to break the news on the phone or if you are brave then do it face-to-face.

Online dating is one of the most lucrative and growing services on the internet and if you do it right then your perfect partner may just be a click of a mouse away.